However~ Aurora is a less successful friend. Her pal, Demena, has disappointed her on several occasions by cancelling dates at the last minute, or arriving late, or sometimes forgetting about them entirely. Aurora has been hurt, angry, confused, and finally frustrated.  She knows she wouldn’t allow this behavior from someone at work; why is she putting up with it from a friend?

Another friend is surprised that Aurora hasn’t addressed the situation.  “Just tell her that she can’t treat you like that!”

Aurora agrees, but she doesn’t know what to say or how to say it.

Finally she reviews what she does with her employees, and wonders if she can apply her good management skills to her friendship:

• She says what she wants to happen. ‘I want to feel that you value our time together as much as I do.”
• She says what she has observed. “You cancelled the last 3 dates we had, and today you came a half hour late.”
• She describes the effects of that behavior. ‘I feel that our friendship is unimportant to you, and that you don’t respect my time.”
• She says what she expects. “If we make a date, I want you to take it as seriously as I do, or I’d rather not make plans.”

Aurora realizes that giving her friend this kind of ultimatum may change their relationship but she also realizes that clarity is critical to any good relationship – at the office or not.

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Feeling unclear about managing your work relationships? Check our course:  Counseling the Poor Performer.  As Aurora knows, principles of good management can be applied both in and out of the workplace.

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