Some people use sarcasm or humor to deflect.  Others feel defensive and respond accordingly.  Others attack. Others make vague and neutral noises, hoping for deniability if things don’t go their way. Usually these responses cause more trouble; they certainly don’t solve the immediate problem, or move things along.

Reasons for not speaking up are usually fear that others will become angry or defensive, making the situation worse, and not knowing the words or tone that will convey the message without sounding aggressive.  Lack of confidence prevents most people from trying.  They wonder if they have a right to say something that might sound disagreeable or uncooperative, so they either remain silent, or indicate disapproval in other ways, ways that can be unhelpful, unwelcome, and certainly confusing.

Help is available.

Speak Up! – The Webinar is our first open enrollment project.

One hour, many tips, budget-friendly, and easy to fit into the day.

August 24, 2021 from 1-2pm EST – call to enroll your group.

Come on – speak up!

Visit our website to learn more about how our courses and services could improve your operations — www.languageatwork.com. If it’s easier, call me directly at 202-298-7700.

Thanks!
Judy

Judith Pollock, President
Language at Work
4931 Massachusetts Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20016
Phone 202-298-7700
www.languageatwork.com

Image by Z RAINEY from Pixabay

The post Speak Up! appeared first on Language at Work.

Keep essential skills current with this quick dip into training that won’t strain your budget or your time.Speak Up!

A 60 minute Live Webinar

August 24, 2021

1:00-2:00pm EDT

What is it?      This program is packed with tips and ideas for speaking in difficult situations. Learn to navigate difficult conversations, deliver bad news, or just project confidence and control.

Who Should Attend?   Everyone who wants to feel more competent in their interactions with others, particularly in situations that are awkward or intimidating.

What will you learn?   Participants will learn to assess situations and plan their responses, using listening and guided questioning, and will learn tips for being assertive and making appropriate language choices.

Cost   $2000 (for up to 8 participants from the same organization).  Participants will receive a copy of the presentation materials in electronic (pdf) format.

Registration   This is a live webinar delivered on the Zoom platform.   Contact mary.scohera@languageatwork.com to register or with questions.

Image by Alexandra_Koch from Pixabay

The post OPEN ENROLLMENT WEBINAR! NEW from Language at Work appeared first on Language at Work.

But what about the employee?!  What about ‘boss management’?  Time and again in communication courses individuals ask for help having critical conversations in situations where they are in the power down position.

No-one wants to be seen as aggressive or uncooperative, but many people don’t know how to say what they want without sounding wrong, so they don’t say anything.  Silence in the face of discomfort can be toxic, however, and often leads to resentment.  Resentment can sometimes become resistance, and can lead to acting out in other ways.

Most people would agree that open communication is a really good thing, and don’t we all want to do it!  But for those who worry about the reactions of others, especially if those others have control over our jobs, the key question is:  “But how do I do it without getting in trouble?”

Many factors need consideration: personality, needs, and interests of the other person, time and place of the discussion, emotional investment of everybody in the picture, the weight of the topic.  But most important is the communication skill of the speaker.  Having these skills will enable the formulation of strategies for navigating the most difficult conversation.

Our new course, Helping Your Boss Give Feedback, turns the focus to those who feel powerless or otherwise disadvantaged.  And haven’t we all found ourselves in that place at one time or another!

Learn more about how our courses could improve your operations — www.languageatwork.com. If it’s easier, call us directly at 202-298-7700.

The post Speak up! Giving Feedback to your Boss appeared first on Language at Work.

But most organizations have periodic social events at which attendance is encouraged.  These events can be holiday themed parties, coffee hours before or after a workshop, cocktail receptions, gatherings before meetings, and even impromptu ‘get-togethers’. And for many, these events are sources of high anxiety.

Reasons for resistance are varied and valid, but there are ways to manage the anxiety and it is possible to actually have a- (gasp!)-positive experience.   The keys to these wonders are reframing, preparation, and the other guys.

In fact, reframing, preparation, and the other guys can be keys to good things in other parts of life, as well.  If you don’t like the story you’re facing, tell a better one. Yes, this is akin to making lemonade out of all those horrid things that happen to you, and it can feel contrived and cheesy, but it can work.  Preparation is almost never a bad thing, and for a social event there are endless opportunities for preparing: attendees and their stories, safe and possibly interesting things to talk about, emergency phrases at the ready.  And the easiest of all: the other guys.  Adding ‘what about you?” to almost any sentence will buy you time, remove the spotlight, and let someone else cringe for a while.

Need more?  Check our new course that is full of ways to manage and enjoy the awkward work party: Working the Room.

The post Fear of the Work Social Event appeared first on Language at Work.

“When school starts I feel behind already – there’s going to be so much to learn.”

A student who sees a blessing:

“I can’t wait to get back and start learning new things- and catching up on stuff I’ve forgotten.”

Whether entering 1^st grade or 40-somethingth grade, September brings similar thoughts: starting something new, learning new skills, getting better at something, reviewing things we’ve let slide into habit – another chance!

If your group brightens at thoughts of sharpened pencils, lucky you.  Bring on the training!

If your group has a September slump, maybe this is a time to help them sharpen some skills along with those pencils.  Do communication deficiencies hold them back?  Do conflicts send them hiding under the desks?  Do they avoid writing? Speaking?  Remember how easy it was for skills to slide over the summer?  Now can be the time to get them back!

Fall courses to get everyone back in action:

• Speaking with Power
• Listening can Change Your Life –NEW
• Write your Way to Success – NEW

Who can resist?

For more information about our courses, please see: ..//courses/ and/or call us at 202-298-7700.

The post Back to School:  Blues or Blessing? appeared first on Language at Work.

Chris:   C’mon, we’ll play with my new ball.

Pat:  I’m not doing that- it’s dumb.  I’m climbing that slide.

Chris:  It’s not dumb. Climbing is dumb.  I’m playing with the ball.

Pat:  You’re an idiot.  That’s all you want to do is play with that ball.

Chris: I’m playing with the ball.  Climbing is dumb and you’re the idiot for doing it.

Kids, right?  Of course adults don’t speak that way in their workplaces.

Or do they?  Do you hear adults speaking in the grown-up, slightly refined version of this kind of exchange?

Name-calling?  Expressing ideas as statements? Ignoring the ideas of others?  Sticking to one’s position?  Being inflexibile?  Showing no curiosity about the interests of others? Making accusations?  Demeaning the choices that others make?

Hmmmmmm.

Call us at 202-298-7700 if you have adult six year olds in your workplace.

The post How Adults Speak appeared first on Language at Work.

Talking involves a face-to-face interaction where we have to deal with the other person right then and there.  We have to choose words on the spot; we have to hear their responses; and we have to think of what else to say, and what if they get mad?! No wonder we’d rather just tap out a message and hit ‘send’.

But here’s the advantage of having the difficult conversation in person:  the other person is much less likely to be defensive and annoyed, and even if they are, you have a chance to sooth and smooth.  There’s a chance that a misunderstanding can be understood, that escalation can be avoided, and that a problem can be solved on the spot with some back and forth discussion.

How to do it?  The first rule is that this is a speech that is about you.  It begins with what you observe, how you feel about it, and what you would like to happen not what the other person did, thinks, feels, shows, or intends.

“I can hear the music you’re playing in your office, and I’m distracted by it.  I wonder if the volume could be lowered or the door closed, or something.”  (You can even add something self-deprecating to soften the statement: “I’m sorry, but I’m so easily distracted!”)

Not: “You play your music too loud.  Can you turn it down?”

Even if you’ve created a pretty message, if it’s delivered in any method other than in person it will be received – even slightly- with resentment or annoyance, and maybe even embarrassment or hostility. And these are not the ingredients for successful problem solving.

Afraid to talk?  See us about confident communicating.

Please visit our website to learn more about how our courses and services could improve your operations — www.languageatwork.com.  If it’s easier, free to call me directly at 202-298-7700.

Thanks!
Judy

Judith Pollock, President
Language at Work
4931 Massachusetts Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20016
Phone 202-298-7700
www.languageatwork.com

The post Afraid To Talk? appeared first on Language at Work.

A lexicon, or specialized vocabulary, personal and specific to you consists of the words you most frequently use. We each have our own. Many words appear in the lexicons of many people, of course, and people who spend a lot of time talking with each other often share parts of their lexicons.

Over time, and without supervision, lexicons can become rigid and stale and predictable such that some of us can speak whole paragraphs without actually thinking about what words we’re going to use. While this speaking-without-thinking may seem efficient, it actually can be dangerous. When is an absence of thinking a good thing?!

Priscilla says she bores herself – not with the things she has to say, but with the words she chooses to say them. She notices the same old descriptors and introducers appearing again and again. ‘Terrific, awesome, great, interesting, really nice’ – do these words apply to everything in my life, she wonders. And as she begins to listen to herself she notices that she uses similar phrases and fillers: presumably, and so forth, and everything else, makes me crazy, bottom line, don’t go there, really.

What will she do about this? She listens to herself more, which, interestingly, means that she is thinking more carefully about what she is saying – a bonus, perhaps? And she’s more alert to more creative ways to express herself, which means that she does more listening – another bonus?
While this may seem like a problem for someone who has no actual problems, doesn’t it sound intriquing?

If your lexicon could use a reno, let us know. We can work on it together!

For more information about our courses, please see: ..//courses/ and/or call us at 202-298-7700.

The post A Resolution Worth Talking About appeared first on Language at Work.

1. I wish people would use the word ‘said’

Example:

Yes:  “They said ‘This takes too long.’”

No:  “They were going, ‘This takes too long.’”Dear God, No:  “I was like, ‘This takes too long.’”

2. I wish people would begin sentences without saying “I mean…”

3. I wish people would find a substitute for ‘sucks’ unless they’re describing the action of a baby and her lunch.

4. It would be so interesting if people thought of new ways to say things instead of shopping for phrases in the same old tired, over-used cliche stores.

5. And how about stocking up on some verbs and adjectives that haven’t been used 8 zillion times in the last week. It’s mind-candy for word- folks to hear our language actually being USED!

6. Some said they would even give up on ‘literally’ in exchange for numbers 1 and 2 above. Wow.

Do you have anything to add to such a Wish List?  Let us know!

(* full disclosure:  everyone who was polled is a FOLAW – Friend of Language at Work- so there may be some statistical bias.)

Let us help you help your staff.  Check out our courses or feel free to call us directly at 202-298-7700.

The post Wish List of Communication Junkies appeared first on Language at Work.

But recently Marble’s new supervisor invited her to a meeting to discuss work assignments.  It seems that the supervisor has ideas about how to structure the work load that differ from what Marble has been doing.  Marble hears criticism of her choices.

The supervisor, like Marble, has been trained to give feedback in constructive and helpful ways, and her comments to Marble fit the standard practices.  But Marble has not been trained to receive feedback in a constructive and helpful way, and she is surprised at her various reactions.

Marble is stunned that her choices have been questioned; she is embarrassed to be in a position that makes her feel like she has done something wrong; she is resentful that the situation has come up at all; she feels that she should have been given more guidance about what was expected; she considers arguing that she probably knows better than her supervisor about what should happen; she feels guilty that her excellent work will now be blemished; she is worried that maybe she should have considered the ideas the supervisor is proposing, and she is angry that she doesn’t feel in control of this situation.  Wow.  This is a lot for Marble to process!

Marble manages to say things that she hopes are appropriate and that won’t cause her to lose her job, and exits as soon as she can.

What happens next is important and can have an impact on Marble, the supervisor, their work, and their relationship. Marble has several choices, not all of them constructive or helpful.   So why wasn’t’ this covered in the Feedback training, wonders Marble.

Good question.

This, and other, good questions can be answered in our communication courses.  Let us help you help your staff.   Feel free to call us directly at 202-298-7700.

The post Good Question appeared first on Language at Work.